Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Dude I Just Thought of Something...

Discussions while drinking can sometimes leave you thinking some really weird cooked-up shit.
Sipping on a cocktail, suddenly it struck me and I was like, "Dude I just thought of something."

Satan used to be God's angel and a best one at that, but then he got all cocky and was all like “I am better then you God” and the God kicked his ass out of heaven because he didn’t want the competiton.
Then Satan was all like “I’m gonna make better heaven!” The only problem is there was only one customer review… The Bible… which is, of course, going to be favouring Gods heaven.
So what if Satan was able to build a heaven that was way better than the God’s heaven. This made God jealous and He was like, “Fuck that place is super-hot and there is nothing to quench your thirst.” And Satan is sitting there like “Of course it is hot , it’s the matha fuckin tropical paradise and thirst? We have an open bar! These reviews are bullshit.
And in the bible it says how satan is so evil and he tries to convince people to do things he wants then to do. Yet God mind-controlled a bunch of humans to write a very one-sided book that says  how great He is and how bad Satan is.
Satan gives us free will. So what if we have the story backwards? And when Christians die, God just appears and is like “HA! GOTCHA! Gullible piece of shit, go mow my yard. You thought you were getting some mansion, greedy bastard!”
And when I die Satan appears and is like “Welcome to Satan Heaven!  There is a Margarita waiting for you at the bar, extra salt just like you like it! Good job resisting the temptations of promised wealth after death and just living your human life the best you could think how. Sorry about all those bad things that happened to you, but I had no control over it. “God’s PLAN” they call that lol. Come on I’ll do a shot with you!
Its decided then I want to go to Satans Heaven.