Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Funniest Things You've Ever Heard Someone Say in their Sleep

 Here is a collection of some of the
funniest things you've ever heard someone say in their sleep.
1. My college roommate sat up, said "F**k you, Batman. You owe me twenty dollars," and fell back down again.

2. The one that sticks out in my mind is my boyfriend sitting up in bed and ever so slowly giving me a thumbs up ... then going back to sleep.

3. My ex-girlfriend once told me that I sat up in bed, asked her "where the f*ck is all the money?" stared at her blankly for a second, then said "ah, right, at the bank" and went back to sleep.

4. A friend of mine sleepwalks, and I was sleeping over that night. It's about 1 am when he yells, "GOD DAMNIT, IM F*CKING THIRSTY." He walks into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. His yelling woke up his father, and he asks him what he's doing. He points at the water bottle in his hand and says "I'm thirsty and I want water, BUT ALL WE HAVE IS THIS MOTHERF*CKING CAN OF SOUP."

5. My husband rolled over while dead asleep, snuggled me and said "you are the burning ember in the jungles of my night".

6. I was enjoying a night over at my friend's house when we were 15yo. We were making hamburgers with fried eggs. I thought it had enough oil on the pan but nope, it burned right up and got stuck in the pan. Of course I scraped the egg off and still ate it. When we were sleeping, my friend got up, looked at me and mumbled something like "..f*cking idiot can't even fry eggs..." then turned around and went back to sleep. I felt so vulnerable.

7. When my younger brother was around 12 and I was in my mid-twenties, I came home from a night out and he was sleeping on my couch. He stood up, looked at me, and said very forcefully, "Stop wasting the science." Then whispered, "Keep it safe."

8. I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife struggling to get out of bed. I asked her what was going on and she replied with "I need to press the button!" I could tell she was still half asleep so I said "Come back to bed, I already pressed the button for you" She then, in a very condescending tone, said "You don't even know how!"

9. Freshman year of college I started barking in my sleep. My roommate woke up and started yelling for me to wake up because he thought there was a dog in the room. We were both REALLY confused for about a minute.

10. My boyfriend frequently talks in his sleep. His last one was "Whiskey sounds like something you would feed to cats, who have whiskers."

11. "I have to find my ostrich! I need a giant omelet!"

12. An old college roommate of mine once said "WALL-E, you robot slut!"

13. My girlfriend told me that a few weeks ago I said in my sleep, "there's a hidden meaning in Bambi. His mum's an alcoholic."

14. In my sophomore year of college, I was staying over in my friends' room, sleeping on their floor (I'm a dude, they are 2 ladies). They told me that in the middle of the night, I shot completely upright and after a few seconds, held up my hands and said "ladies, ladies please. There's enough for everyone" and then went right back to sleep.

15. When my brother was younger (about 6), he fell off the top bunk in his sleep. He climbed back up and lay down, still asleep. I asked him what was happening and he said "a bad guy just punched me in the arm". Turns out he broke his arm and tried to sleep it off.