Monday, September 26, 2016

Admit it - Awkward Things We All Do

List of Awkward Things We All Do -

1. Open birthday card. PRETEND NOT TO NOTICE MONEY WHILE READING CARD.

2. Attractive person talked to me. MUST BE A PRANK.

3. Not hearing someone for the third time. so just laughing and hoping for the best.

4. "Yay. the weekend!" NO HUMAN INTERACTION UNTIL MONDAY.

5. Parents have company over. STAY IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL THEY LEAVE.

6. Start same sentence three times already. SOMEONE TALKS OVER YOU EVERY TIME.

7. Being unable to say, "Well this is fun." without sounding like you're having the worst time of your life.

8. "Ok class find a partner." OH GOD NO.

9. Accidentally makes a sound that sounds like a fart. KEEPS MAKING IT TO CONFIRM THAT IT WASN'T A FART.

10. Wants human interaction when alone. WANTS TO BE LEFT ALONE WHEN AROUND PEOPLE.

11. Concentrate hard on making eye contact during conversation. MISS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I WAS CONCENTRATING TOO HARD ON MAKING EYE CONTACT.

12. Has imaginary argument in head. MAKES CORRESPONDING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND LOOK INSANE.

13. Walk down the sidewalk with two friends. WALK BEHIND THEM SINCE THERE'S ONLY SPACE FOR TWO PEOPLE.

14. Play friends your favorite song. "IT GETS BETTER IN A MINUTE.

15. Someone sits next to you as you're about to get up and leave. WAIT A COUPLE MINUTES TO NOT HURT THEIR FEELINGS.

16. Makes phone call. -OH GOD. PLEASE DON'T PICK UP!"

17. Someone knocks on the bathroom door while you're in it. NO IDEA HOW TO RESPOND.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Things Women Probably Don't Know About Men

Men will be men!!!

1. Flush mid pee and race the toilet.

2. Instead of using twist-ties to close bread, just spin the open end of the bag and tuck it underneath.

3. When I'm in the shower, I like to cup the water to my chest then watch it splash to the floor.

4. Entering Beast Mode running up stairs while alone.

5. Fantasized about their female friends. Yes...all of them.

6. Thought about freezing time.... and then doing naughty things to people.

7. Every man has woken up with morning wood and had to do the leaning tower of pisa to hit the toilet.

8. Checked online to see if their length is adequate.

9. All men at one point in their lives have given The Nod to another man for one reason or another. They have also given it to a woman, only to receive a look of confusion. Additionally, they were never taught The Nod. It simply exists within them naturally.

10. Blow nose into hands in the shower.

11. Waft the bed covers to unsheathe a fart.

12. While peeing tried to cover entire surface of water with pee bubbles.

13. When I write a comment on a girls facebook, i re-read it a million times after sending it to make sure it doesn't sound dumb.
...and then it does.

14. Imagine how you would save your work place, school or whatever from terrorists.

15. Looked at their poop when they finished. I mean sometimes you just need to enjoy the masterpiece you just created.

16. Watch romantic comedies alone. No one else can be present. No one can know.

17. Take off my underwear and then kick it up into my hand and feel like a goddamn ninja master.

18. Deleted their search history.

19. Aim your pee at the edge of the toilet water or higher to avoid people knowing your pissing.

20. Tried to see how far away you can get whilst taking a pee and keeping it in the bowl.